Well, it's not easy when you're an empath like myself. I feel things incredibly deeply... This is why I have a reputation for being such a bitch. It's to protect myself, and also, I tend to want to strike back on those who hurt me, because I feel it so intensely.
My day didn't start so wonderfully. My step daughter is going back to Port Elizabeth after a month of trying to make a life for herself here in Cape Town and failing. It's about the boyfriend, but that's a story on its own. Anyway, her flight was at 7.10. Squirrel left to take her to the airport and I proceeded to get ready for work. While I was in the shower, she tried to call me, but I only saw the missed call after her plane had taken off so I didn't bother to call her back. Then Aunty Shirley told me that she was stuck at the airport, and "they wouldn't let her on the plane" for some reason. I immediately called her, and she told me they'd been 5 minutes late for boarding, so she was not allowed on the plane, so she was stuck at the airport. I called Squirrel, who proceeded to rant and rave at me, about how he is sick and tired of this, how she can't even get on a plane correctly, how he's stuck in the parking area, how she can't find the car, and how this is the worst day of his life. Huh. Believe me, nothing tops my birthday week last year. Eventually I reminded him that NONE of this was my fault, and it was not right that he was screaming at me, and I put the phone down.
I then immediately booked her on a bus for this evening. She will arrive tomorrow morning, but at least she's tiny, and can sleep on the bus.
Then I went to work. At least Squirrel called to apologize for shouting at me.
While I was at work, Jay's girlfriend, Bianca, contacted me, rather furtively, on Whatsapp, to tell me that she needs to chat to my dad in person. Jay had gone to the doctor and gotten some anti-depressants, and she mentioned something about how he has to change everything about his life, but couldn't really get into detail. It needs to be mentioned that my brother is in serious trouble - he's drinking very heavily every night, and is totally batshit crazy. I don't know why, but I honestly didn't think that the curse of our bad blood (i.e. the depression and anxiety disorders we inherited from my mother's side) would hit him. But he's got it bad, with paranoia that's through the roof. Anyway, my dad called Jay to see how it's going, and to try and find out more info, and Jay started ranting and raving about how he sees Bianca is talking to me on Whattsapp, and that if she and I are going to be "ganging up on him", he's going to kick Bianca out the house. I mean, WTF??? I've only ever been on his side, I've only ever tried to help him, and he turns on me like this??? I didn't ask to be pulled into his drama. I didn't ask to have to go fetch his ex girlfriend (Mercia) from his house on Sunday morning, and have her sit at my house all day, crying because of the way he had treated her and spoken (or screamed) at her because he was drunk, until she could go fetch the keys to her new flat. I didn't ask Bianca to contact me. I didn't ask Mercia to contact me to see how it's going. He pulled me in, and now everything is MY fault, and I'm conspiring against him?
He has hurt me very badly. He is an asshole right now, and I don't want to know him. God knows I've had enough of this shit growing up.
I'm done with people today. Everyone must just leave me the hell alone. I'm tired of crying because those I love and trust stab me in the back.
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