So, no matter what I'm doing, if I happen to be in a coffee shop / restaurant / any public place, alone, and just wanting to read my book, or be alone, a stranger WILL come up to me and start telling me all about their lives and problems. It's ridiculous! I've decided to start keeping a list of these people. I hope that they get a bit of comfort by talking to me, however, as an empath, I have to be very careful not to take their burdens onto myself, and to keep myself a bit detached. Besides, sometimes I really REALLY just want to be alone!!
6 July 2015:
Wimpy @ Fairbridge Mall, trying to read my book. An Afrikaans lady sitting at the next table proceeded to tell me all about how she went to her hairdresser to have her hair made platinum. During the process, her head started burning like crazy, and afterwards, she now has psoriasis, and her entire scalp is raw. She's also getting it on her arms and legs... it's an autoimmune disease, and she's lost two kids, but it's only coming out now... she would shave her head clean if she thought it would help... she's been to 8 different dermatologists, who all only give her a tiny bottle of shampoo which lasts 3 days and costs R500...
It's ludicrous. I'll keep adding to this list, just for interest's sake.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Thoughts
I have been thinking a LOT in the last few days. A lot of it has had to do with the state of our country, and the situation we are currently in.
Other thoughts I've had are about Chris and Lynda's divorce. I can not believe that after 4 years, it's STILL dragging on, and I can not believe that the courts are allowing the extensions. Sure, I understand the first 3-some years... Chris was on his own, so he obviously had cheap lawyers, and at the end of the day, you get what you pay for. And whether he actually paid them is another question. Anyway, the same stands for Lynda. But late last year, I took over, and put a crack team together, and I was convinced he would be divorced by the end of the year. Then, I was convinced it would be by the end of January this year at the latest. Here we are, at the end of May, and it's still ongoing.
How is this possible? Surely this is totally unconstitutional? What if Chris wants to remarry? All the paperwork is done. Lynda was given ample time to respond to any and all allegations in the papers. The Family Advocate report is done, the Social Workers have all interviewed everyone and submitted reports... okay, during the first 3 years, the courts lost the papers a few times, and they kept delaying the court date, but when I took over, Lynda was given 3 chances to respond to the papers, and then it was supposed to be overs. She came AFTER that and responded, and said she wants custody of the kids. This is beyond ridiculous - the judge actually allowed the delay, again.
Actually, the more I think about it, the more it doesn't make sense. I think I need to call the advocate in charge and ask him, instead of getting the information from Chris. Anyway, I've been composing a letter to Lynda in my mind, and debating putting it on FB. Before I do that, I'm going to type it here.
To Whom It May Concern
One of the hardest things in the world to hear when a relationship ends is that (S)HE DOESN'T WANT YOU. When a relationship ends, you still have hope - if I change to x, or do y, maybe we will get back together again. Maybe it's a phase of temporary insanity, and it will pass, and we'll get back together, and my life will be whole again. Maybe I just need to wait it out.
(S)He doesn't want you. It's over. This is not temporary insanity, this is not a "break", this is not a bad dream. Your life started anew when you broke up, and you can not live it in limbo, waiting for him / her to "see" you again. As much as you sit at home crying, and remembering all the good things about the relationship, trust me, (s)he is NOT doing that. (S)He has carried on with his / her life, has potentially met somebody else, and wants to be finished with you.
It's more complicated when there are children involved, sure. You were always a good parent when you were there. Don't stop being a good parent now. Don't let your bitterness and hatred of the "Other" person, or of your ex, change your relationship with your children. Keep your crap to yourself. Children do NOT need to hear crap about their other parent from you. It is NOT fair to them. It is your job to protect them, to love them, and to keep them safe and happy. Putting them in the middle of your battle does none of these things. Kids start off as little video cameras on legs, absorbing EVERYTHING, and emulating EVERYTHING. But trust me, they grow up fast. And before you know it, they will have made up their OWN minds about the situation, and chances are that they will start to resent you if you do this. They will start to not want to visit you, or take your calls, because they don't want to hear the poison you are spewing into their little ears. Do not create a situation where OTHER people, people who possibly never even liked you, have to try and explain your bad behaviour to YOUR children, and tell them that they should love you and forgive you because you are their parent, and are sick, not a bad person.
And finally, PLEASE, get the help you need. You ARE sick. A lot of people have spent a lot of time trying to figure out a way to help you, but our hands are tied. It is up to your immediate family, and it seems they are not interested. I guess we can understand how you ended up the way you did, and I know this plea will fall on deaf ears, because you live your life in denial. Everything is everyone else's fault, and you are blameless. But there is a serious problem in your brain. If NOTHING else, you are seriously clinically depressed, and you need help. This will NOT end well if you don't.
A Friend
Other than this, I've had a lot of other thoughts running through my head. One of them is about Belinda, who was "fired" from Shoprite. She is so convinced that I got her fired. Sure, I had a hand in it, but she's crediting me with way more power than I actually had at the time. Up until today, I have been feeling quite bad about it. She told all the people from Datonomy that I got her fired, and not one of them will talk to me. They've made it quite unpleasant for me. She and I actually had a stand-up fight in the office, because I tried to wish her well and she went off at me, and turned it personal. Anyway. The thoughts I've been having is bugger this. I might or might not have gotten her fired, but actually, some people don't realise who they're dealing with. For the first time (I think ever), I'm realising the power I do actually wield. I am able to make or break someone's career right now, because there are a LOT of very high-powered people who value my opinion. I am in the top 10 BI developers in South Africa, and it's come to light quite recently that there are companies and organisations overseas (like England), who know who I am as well. I'm not going to go around second-guessing myself all the time any more. I'm also not going to go around feeling guilty because I didn't ACTUALLY work that extra 30 minutes. THEY want ME in their company. I don't need them. This doesn't mean, in any shape or form, that I am able to slack off at all, but my hard work has finally paid off. I'm finally somebody to reckon with. And I haven't even realised it until now LOL. How ironic. It's a good feeling though.
I've realised that I'm quite depressed at the moment, and I know it's because winter is coming. Today's the first day that it's actually very cold, and you can feel the snow in the air. When I leave for work, it's dark, and when I go home, it's getting dark, and for some reason, the lack of light is affecting me more than it has in years. I am going to have to make an effort to get outside this weekend, even though right now I don't feel like doing anything. I have so much to do to keep myself busy, and my life is good, but I'm just meh. I think maybe the extra stress of having Jay nearly die used up any excess serotonin I may have had (and I never have excess). My doctor has put me on the maximum possible dosage of my anti-depressants, so I have to try and get this under control. If it runs away with me, it will mean another stint in the clinic, to get onto a different regime of medication, as this one is not strong enough. Not that going into the clinic doesn't sound DIVINE right now, but I can't afford to.
Anyway, that's a lot of random thoughts going through my head for one point in time. I need to finish my work, as well, so I'm just going to try and focus on that and see how far I can get today.
Laters.
Other thoughts I've had are about Chris and Lynda's divorce. I can not believe that after 4 years, it's STILL dragging on, and I can not believe that the courts are allowing the extensions. Sure, I understand the first 3-some years... Chris was on his own, so he obviously had cheap lawyers, and at the end of the day, you get what you pay for. And whether he actually paid them is another question. Anyway, the same stands for Lynda. But late last year, I took over, and put a crack team together, and I was convinced he would be divorced by the end of the year. Then, I was convinced it would be by the end of January this year at the latest. Here we are, at the end of May, and it's still ongoing.
How is this possible? Surely this is totally unconstitutional? What if Chris wants to remarry? All the paperwork is done. Lynda was given ample time to respond to any and all allegations in the papers. The Family Advocate report is done, the Social Workers have all interviewed everyone and submitted reports... okay, during the first 3 years, the courts lost the papers a few times, and they kept delaying the court date, but when I took over, Lynda was given 3 chances to respond to the papers, and then it was supposed to be overs. She came AFTER that and responded, and said she wants custody of the kids. This is beyond ridiculous - the judge actually allowed the delay, again.
Actually, the more I think about it, the more it doesn't make sense. I think I need to call the advocate in charge and ask him, instead of getting the information from Chris. Anyway, I've been composing a letter to Lynda in my mind, and debating putting it on FB. Before I do that, I'm going to type it here.
To Whom It May Concern
One of the hardest things in the world to hear when a relationship ends is that (S)HE DOESN'T WANT YOU. When a relationship ends, you still have hope - if I change to x, or do y, maybe we will get back together again. Maybe it's a phase of temporary insanity, and it will pass, and we'll get back together, and my life will be whole again. Maybe I just need to wait it out.
(S)He doesn't want you. It's over. This is not temporary insanity, this is not a "break", this is not a bad dream. Your life started anew when you broke up, and you can not live it in limbo, waiting for him / her to "see" you again. As much as you sit at home crying, and remembering all the good things about the relationship, trust me, (s)he is NOT doing that. (S)He has carried on with his / her life, has potentially met somebody else, and wants to be finished with you.
It's more complicated when there are children involved, sure. You were always a good parent when you were there. Don't stop being a good parent now. Don't let your bitterness and hatred of the "Other" person, or of your ex, change your relationship with your children. Keep your crap to yourself. Children do NOT need to hear crap about their other parent from you. It is NOT fair to them. It is your job to protect them, to love them, and to keep them safe and happy. Putting them in the middle of your battle does none of these things. Kids start off as little video cameras on legs, absorbing EVERYTHING, and emulating EVERYTHING. But trust me, they grow up fast. And before you know it, they will have made up their OWN minds about the situation, and chances are that they will start to resent you if you do this. They will start to not want to visit you, or take your calls, because they don't want to hear the poison you are spewing into their little ears. Do not create a situation where OTHER people, people who possibly never even liked you, have to try and explain your bad behaviour to YOUR children, and tell them that they should love you and forgive you because you are their parent, and are sick, not a bad person.
And finally, PLEASE, get the help you need. You ARE sick. A lot of people have spent a lot of time trying to figure out a way to help you, but our hands are tied. It is up to your immediate family, and it seems they are not interested. I guess we can understand how you ended up the way you did, and I know this plea will fall on deaf ears, because you live your life in denial. Everything is everyone else's fault, and you are blameless. But there is a serious problem in your brain. If NOTHING else, you are seriously clinically depressed, and you need help. This will NOT end well if you don't.
A Friend
Other than this, I've had a lot of other thoughts running through my head. One of them is about Belinda, who was "fired" from Shoprite. She is so convinced that I got her fired. Sure, I had a hand in it, but she's crediting me with way more power than I actually had at the time. Up until today, I have been feeling quite bad about it. She told all the people from Datonomy that I got her fired, and not one of them will talk to me. They've made it quite unpleasant for me. She and I actually had a stand-up fight in the office, because I tried to wish her well and she went off at me, and turned it personal. Anyway. The thoughts I've been having is bugger this. I might or might not have gotten her fired, but actually, some people don't realise who they're dealing with. For the first time (I think ever), I'm realising the power I do actually wield. I am able to make or break someone's career right now, because there are a LOT of very high-powered people who value my opinion. I am in the top 10 BI developers in South Africa, and it's come to light quite recently that there are companies and organisations overseas (like England), who know who I am as well. I'm not going to go around second-guessing myself all the time any more. I'm also not going to go around feeling guilty because I didn't ACTUALLY work that extra 30 minutes. THEY want ME in their company. I don't need them. This doesn't mean, in any shape or form, that I am able to slack off at all, but my hard work has finally paid off. I'm finally somebody to reckon with. And I haven't even realised it until now LOL. How ironic. It's a good feeling though.
I've realised that I'm quite depressed at the moment, and I know it's because winter is coming. Today's the first day that it's actually very cold, and you can feel the snow in the air. When I leave for work, it's dark, and when I go home, it's getting dark, and for some reason, the lack of light is affecting me more than it has in years. I am going to have to make an effort to get outside this weekend, even though right now I don't feel like doing anything. I have so much to do to keep myself busy, and my life is good, but I'm just meh. I think maybe the extra stress of having Jay nearly die used up any excess serotonin I may have had (and I never have excess). My doctor has put me on the maximum possible dosage of my anti-depressants, so I have to try and get this under control. If it runs away with me, it will mean another stint in the clinic, to get onto a different regime of medication, as this one is not strong enough. Not that going into the clinic doesn't sound DIVINE right now, but I can't afford to.
Anyway, that's a lot of random thoughts going through my head for one point in time. I need to finish my work, as well, so I'm just going to try and focus on that and see how far I can get today.
Laters.
Monday, May 25, 2015
Meh
Today, like the past few days, I'm feeling meh. I don't know why. This weekend, I've actually been feeling quite depressed. If I think about it, it doesn't make sense - I have just been to the library and got a bag full of books by my favourite authors, I have PC games, I have a ton of things to do in the house, I have jewellery to make, I have TV to watch... it's not because I'm bored. I am also taking my tablets every single day. But for some reason, the moment Squirrel woke up on the weekend, or the moment my dad came near me, I got a spike of irritation.
It might have something to do with all the crap we've just gone through with my brother, but he's okay now, and at home recovering. I have so many good things in my life - my husband is my best friend and I love him more every day. My family is so precious to me. Damian is coming home this Wednesday. I have a good job, which pays really well. I actually have more than I need...
I'm also just sick and tired of this country. I'm SO sick and tired of load-shedding every day, even though it actually has a minimal impact on us since we've bought a generator. It started when Squirrel was joking about joining politics, and didn't want to stop even though I told him it was getting to me. Eventually, I ended up actually THINKING about all the shit we have to live with, and I think that's what has gotten me so down. This country is so screwed. I can only hope and wish for a civil war - who the hell in their right mind actually wishes for something like that? I SO want to put my group together, to do something about this, but it's way too risky. We have no public transport (unless, of course, you want to get mugged, raped, stabbed, and / or killed), we have no post office, because the fuckers who worked for the post office striked until the entire organisation imploded, we have no electricity, and they reckon this load-shedding will continue for at least the next two years, we have not enough water in our house because of the frigging water regulator that we didn't ask for, and don't deserve, but CAN'T GET REMOVED BECAUSE THERE'S **ONE** FUCKER in the ENTIRE Western Cape who apparently works on these things, we have the lowest education, and the highest road kill rates. And that's just scratching the surface.
Yes, I think I'd rather live in denial than actually think about these things, because if I think about it, I realise what a dead-end black hole we live in, and it gets me down.
It might have something to do with all the crap we've just gone through with my brother, but he's okay now, and at home recovering. I have so many good things in my life - my husband is my best friend and I love him more every day. My family is so precious to me. Damian is coming home this Wednesday. I have a good job, which pays really well. I actually have more than I need...
I'm also just sick and tired of this country. I'm SO sick and tired of load-shedding every day, even though it actually has a minimal impact on us since we've bought a generator. It started when Squirrel was joking about joining politics, and didn't want to stop even though I told him it was getting to me. Eventually, I ended up actually THINKING about all the shit we have to live with, and I think that's what has gotten me so down. This country is so screwed. I can only hope and wish for a civil war - who the hell in their right mind actually wishes for something like that? I SO want to put my group together, to do something about this, but it's way too risky. We have no public transport (unless, of course, you want to get mugged, raped, stabbed, and / or killed), we have no post office, because the fuckers who worked for the post office striked until the entire organisation imploded, we have no electricity, and they reckon this load-shedding will continue for at least the next two years, we have not enough water in our house because of the frigging water regulator that we didn't ask for, and don't deserve, but CAN'T GET REMOVED BECAUSE THERE'S **ONE** FUCKER in the ENTIRE Western Cape who apparently works on these things, we have the lowest education, and the highest road kill rates. And that's just scratching the surface.
Yes, I think I'd rather live in denial than actually think about these things, because if I think about it, I realise what a dead-end black hole we live in, and it gets me down.
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Old Truths
Last night I had a bit of a wake-up call.
I can't remember a lot about my youth, because it was so incredibly crappy. I had a shitty home-life, and I was tormented at school. This is why I always took refuge in books - at least I was able to forget everything, and live in another world for a while.
My brother is in the ICU, on a ventilator. It's easy to say, and easy to hear, but when I saw him, I burst into tears. There lies my big, strong brother, with a bit of his tribal tattoo on his arm visible between all the pipes and blankets, unable to move, speak or even open his eyes. It was so incredibly difficult to see him like that. I had been angry with him (see previous post), but all of that just dissipated when I saw him in that bed. I told him that he'd better bloody fight to get better, that he was NOT going to put my dad through losing another son. When I said that, he fought to become conscious, to communicate with me, and he squeezed my hand. I know he heard me.
Last night, my dad came home late as usual. He'd gone to visit Jay after work, and I wanted an update. My dad came into the study and told me that he had had a long chat with the nurse who was in charge of my brother, and that, although my brother is stable at the moment, in my dad's opinion he is on a knife's edge - he could fall either way. It's a truly frightening situation. His pancreas is not playing nicely, and if his counts don't go back to normal soon, they'll have to do surgery to remove the rotten parts of it. It doesn't grow back. That's it then, serious damage to his pancreas, and the next major complication is diabetes. In the meantime, they're suctioning liters of liquid off my brother's lungs to help him breathe. My dad said the liquid is brown and disgusting. I know it's from my brother's smoking. And yes, I smoke too.
The nurse also told my dad that once Jay's on the road to mend, he has to go through serious DTs as well, hallucinations and mumbling and the whole trip, because his body has been so used to having two bottles of vodka a night, and now with it stopping cold turkey, it won't handle it well. Fortunately, most of this will happen while he's still in the hospital. By the time he's discharged, he will be weak, but the worst will have passed.
I then mentioned to my dad that once his body is healed, we will have to get his mind healed too, because Jay is seriously depressed. I asked if he doesn't think it's a good idea to have a mental professional like a psychiatrist come and see Jay while he's still in the hospital, to start that process. And he started flipping out. He told me that he doesn't believe Jonathan is depressed - doesn't believe in depression at all. Which, to be honest, blew my mind. I have lived with depression my whole life, and have it under control now. If I didn't have it under control because of the help of mental professionals, I would be as nutso as my mom was married to him. I asked him (since he's done all the research on pancreatitis, and on the long-term effects, etc), if he's EVER read up on clinical depression - and he told me that no, he doesn't need to - those people are just out to make money, and basically, there's no such thing! I must admit, a realisation hit me like a ton of bricks then
Maybe all the shit I had to deal with growing up was at least half my dad's fault. My mom seems stable and happy now. And I know she's on her tablets. I'm on tablets. If they'd recognised my clinical depression at the age of 13, and diagnosed me correctly, instead of having some high-paid fraudster telling them I was "just looking for attention", my life would have been different. Maybe if he'd done his bloody homework, instead of being so bloody stubborn and full of his own opinion, my MOM's life would have been different. He is so angry all the time, because he says that he should be married still, now that his kids are grown up and left the house, he should be with the one person he spent most of his life with, but things didn't turn out that way, and now he's alone. While I think the best thing that could have happened did - my parents got divorced, MAYBE if he'd taken clinical depression seriously, and supported my mom, instead of denying it because HIS bloody opinion is correct above all else, they WOULD be together still. Anyway, when I realised there was NO getting through to him, I left it.
Then my dad started on me, again, about me smoking. And I had enough, and flipped out. I know my dad's scared, but he's taking it out on me in anger. And I'm sick to death of it. He lives in MY frigging house. And I'm sick to death of him making me feel guilty. He said that I'm acting just like Jay did - whenever my dad warned him about drinking and smoking, my brother fobbed him off, and look where he is now. Sure, that may well be true, but I (and by this time I was screaming at him), told him I'm NOTHING like Jonathan. I smoke, sure, but I'm fit and healthy, and I don't live ANYTHING like Jonathan does. I don't drink, I eat healthily, I drink liters of water every day, I've just lost 14 kgs, and I do a ton of exercise working on the house. And I'm SICK AND TIRED of him tearing into me EVERY time he speaks to me. I'm fucking 41 years old!
To top things off, I'm one of a HANDFUL of people at the top of my field in the country, with a serious career, and even that's not good enough.
I have a lot to think about... I've been blaming my mom my whole life, but it hit me like a ton of bricks between the eyes last night that I may have been wrong.
I can't remember a lot about my youth, because it was so incredibly crappy. I had a shitty home-life, and I was tormented at school. This is why I always took refuge in books - at least I was able to forget everything, and live in another world for a while.
My brother is in the ICU, on a ventilator. It's easy to say, and easy to hear, but when I saw him, I burst into tears. There lies my big, strong brother, with a bit of his tribal tattoo on his arm visible between all the pipes and blankets, unable to move, speak or even open his eyes. It was so incredibly difficult to see him like that. I had been angry with him (see previous post), but all of that just dissipated when I saw him in that bed. I told him that he'd better bloody fight to get better, that he was NOT going to put my dad through losing another son. When I said that, he fought to become conscious, to communicate with me, and he squeezed my hand. I know he heard me.
Last night, my dad came home late as usual. He'd gone to visit Jay after work, and I wanted an update. My dad came into the study and told me that he had had a long chat with the nurse who was in charge of my brother, and that, although my brother is stable at the moment, in my dad's opinion he is on a knife's edge - he could fall either way. It's a truly frightening situation. His pancreas is not playing nicely, and if his counts don't go back to normal soon, they'll have to do surgery to remove the rotten parts of it. It doesn't grow back. That's it then, serious damage to his pancreas, and the next major complication is diabetes. In the meantime, they're suctioning liters of liquid off my brother's lungs to help him breathe. My dad said the liquid is brown and disgusting. I know it's from my brother's smoking. And yes, I smoke too.
The nurse also told my dad that once Jay's on the road to mend, he has to go through serious DTs as well, hallucinations and mumbling and the whole trip, because his body has been so used to having two bottles of vodka a night, and now with it stopping cold turkey, it won't handle it well. Fortunately, most of this will happen while he's still in the hospital. By the time he's discharged, he will be weak, but the worst will have passed.
I then mentioned to my dad that once his body is healed, we will have to get his mind healed too, because Jay is seriously depressed. I asked if he doesn't think it's a good idea to have a mental professional like a psychiatrist come and see Jay while he's still in the hospital, to start that process. And he started flipping out. He told me that he doesn't believe Jonathan is depressed - doesn't believe in depression at all. Which, to be honest, blew my mind. I have lived with depression my whole life, and have it under control now. If I didn't have it under control because of the help of mental professionals, I would be as nutso as my mom was married to him. I asked him (since he's done all the research on pancreatitis, and on the long-term effects, etc), if he's EVER read up on clinical depression - and he told me that no, he doesn't need to - those people are just out to make money, and basically, there's no such thing! I must admit, a realisation hit me like a ton of bricks then
Maybe all the shit I had to deal with growing up was at least half my dad's fault. My mom seems stable and happy now. And I know she's on her tablets. I'm on tablets. If they'd recognised my clinical depression at the age of 13, and diagnosed me correctly, instead of having some high-paid fraudster telling them I was "just looking for attention", my life would have been different. Maybe if he'd done his bloody homework, instead of being so bloody stubborn and full of his own opinion, my MOM's life would have been different. He is so angry all the time, because he says that he should be married still, now that his kids are grown up and left the house, he should be with the one person he spent most of his life with, but things didn't turn out that way, and now he's alone. While I think the best thing that could have happened did - my parents got divorced, MAYBE if he'd taken clinical depression seriously, and supported my mom, instead of denying it because HIS bloody opinion is correct above all else, they WOULD be together still. Anyway, when I realised there was NO getting through to him, I left it.
Then my dad started on me, again, about me smoking. And I had enough, and flipped out. I know my dad's scared, but he's taking it out on me in anger. And I'm sick to death of it. He lives in MY frigging house. And I'm sick to death of him making me feel guilty. He said that I'm acting just like Jay did - whenever my dad warned him about drinking and smoking, my brother fobbed him off, and look where he is now. Sure, that may well be true, but I (and by this time I was screaming at him), told him I'm NOTHING like Jonathan. I smoke, sure, but I'm fit and healthy, and I don't live ANYTHING like Jonathan does. I don't drink, I eat healthily, I drink liters of water every day, I've just lost 14 kgs, and I do a ton of exercise working on the house. And I'm SICK AND TIRED of him tearing into me EVERY time he speaks to me. I'm fucking 41 years old!
To top things off, I'm one of a HANDFUL of people at the top of my field in the country, with a serious career, and even that's not good enough.
I have a lot to think about... I've been blaming my mom my whole life, but it hit me like a ton of bricks between the eyes last night that I may have been wrong.
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Today's Whispers (9 April 2015)
Well, it's not easy when you're an empath like myself. I feel things incredibly deeply... This is why I have a reputation for being such a bitch. It's to protect myself, and also, I tend to want to strike back on those who hurt me, because I feel it so intensely.
My day didn't start so wonderfully. My step daughter is going back to Port Elizabeth after a month of trying to make a life for herself here in Cape Town and failing. It's about the boyfriend, but that's a story on its own. Anyway, her flight was at 7.10. Squirrel left to take her to the airport and I proceeded to get ready for work. While I was in the shower, she tried to call me, but I only saw the missed call after her plane had taken off so I didn't bother to call her back. Then Aunty Shirley told me that she was stuck at the airport, and "they wouldn't let her on the plane" for some reason. I immediately called her, and she told me they'd been 5 minutes late for boarding, so she was not allowed on the plane, so she was stuck at the airport. I called Squirrel, who proceeded to rant and rave at me, about how he is sick and tired of this, how she can't even get on a plane correctly, how he's stuck in the parking area, how she can't find the car, and how this is the worst day of his life. Huh. Believe me, nothing tops my birthday week last year. Eventually I reminded him that NONE of this was my fault, and it was not right that he was screaming at me, and I put the phone down.
I then immediately booked her on a bus for this evening. She will arrive tomorrow morning, but at least she's tiny, and can sleep on the bus.
Then I went to work. At least Squirrel called to apologize for shouting at me.
While I was at work, Jay's girlfriend, Bianca, contacted me, rather furtively, on Whatsapp, to tell me that she needs to chat to my dad in person. Jay had gone to the doctor and gotten some anti-depressants, and she mentioned something about how he has to change everything about his life, but couldn't really get into detail. It needs to be mentioned that my brother is in serious trouble - he's drinking very heavily every night, and is totally batshit crazy. I don't know why, but I honestly didn't think that the curse of our bad blood (i.e. the depression and anxiety disorders we inherited from my mother's side) would hit him. But he's got it bad, with paranoia that's through the roof. Anyway, my dad called Jay to see how it's going, and to try and find out more info, and Jay started ranting and raving about how he sees Bianca is talking to me on Whattsapp, and that if she and I are going to be "ganging up on him", he's going to kick Bianca out the house. I mean, WTF??? I've only ever been on his side, I've only ever tried to help him, and he turns on me like this??? I didn't ask to be pulled into his drama. I didn't ask to have to go fetch his ex girlfriend (Mercia) from his house on Sunday morning, and have her sit at my house all day, crying because of the way he had treated her and spoken (or screamed) at her because he was drunk, until she could go fetch the keys to her new flat. I didn't ask Bianca to contact me. I didn't ask Mercia to contact me to see how it's going. He pulled me in, and now everything is MY fault, and I'm conspiring against him?
He has hurt me very badly. He is an asshole right now, and I don't want to know him. God knows I've had enough of this shit growing up.
I'm done with people today. Everyone must just leave me the hell alone. I'm tired of crying because those I love and trust stab me in the back.
My day didn't start so wonderfully. My step daughter is going back to Port Elizabeth after a month of trying to make a life for herself here in Cape Town and failing. It's about the boyfriend, but that's a story on its own. Anyway, her flight was at 7.10. Squirrel left to take her to the airport and I proceeded to get ready for work. While I was in the shower, she tried to call me, but I only saw the missed call after her plane had taken off so I didn't bother to call her back. Then Aunty Shirley told me that she was stuck at the airport, and "they wouldn't let her on the plane" for some reason. I immediately called her, and she told me they'd been 5 minutes late for boarding, so she was not allowed on the plane, so she was stuck at the airport. I called Squirrel, who proceeded to rant and rave at me, about how he is sick and tired of this, how she can't even get on a plane correctly, how he's stuck in the parking area, how she can't find the car, and how this is the worst day of his life. Huh. Believe me, nothing tops my birthday week last year. Eventually I reminded him that NONE of this was my fault, and it was not right that he was screaming at me, and I put the phone down.
I then immediately booked her on a bus for this evening. She will arrive tomorrow morning, but at least she's tiny, and can sleep on the bus.
Then I went to work. At least Squirrel called to apologize for shouting at me.
While I was at work, Jay's girlfriend, Bianca, contacted me, rather furtively, on Whatsapp, to tell me that she needs to chat to my dad in person. Jay had gone to the doctor and gotten some anti-depressants, and she mentioned something about how he has to change everything about his life, but couldn't really get into detail. It needs to be mentioned that my brother is in serious trouble - he's drinking very heavily every night, and is totally batshit crazy. I don't know why, but I honestly didn't think that the curse of our bad blood (i.e. the depression and anxiety disorders we inherited from my mother's side) would hit him. But he's got it bad, with paranoia that's through the roof. Anyway, my dad called Jay to see how it's going, and to try and find out more info, and Jay started ranting and raving about how he sees Bianca is talking to me on Whattsapp, and that if she and I are going to be "ganging up on him", he's going to kick Bianca out the house. I mean, WTF??? I've only ever been on his side, I've only ever tried to help him, and he turns on me like this??? I didn't ask to be pulled into his drama. I didn't ask to have to go fetch his ex girlfriend (Mercia) from his house on Sunday morning, and have her sit at my house all day, crying because of the way he had treated her and spoken (or screamed) at her because he was drunk, until she could go fetch the keys to her new flat. I didn't ask Bianca to contact me. I didn't ask Mercia to contact me to see how it's going. He pulled me in, and now everything is MY fault, and I'm conspiring against him?
He has hurt me very badly. He is an asshole right now, and I don't want to know him. God knows I've had enough of this shit growing up.
I'm done with people today. Everyone must just leave me the hell alone. I'm tired of crying because those I love and trust stab me in the back.
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