Meh

Today, like the past few days, I'm feeling meh.  I don't know why.  This weekend, I've actually been feeling quite depressed.  If I think about it, it doesn't make sense - I have just been to the library and got a bag full of books by my favourite authors, I have PC games, I have a ton of things to do in the house, I have jewellery to make, I have TV to watch... it's not because I'm bored.  I am also taking my tablets every single day.  But for some reason, the moment Squirrel woke up on the weekend, or the moment my dad came near me, I got a spike of irritation.

It might have something to do with all the crap we've just gone through with my brother, but he's okay now, and at home recovering.  I have so many good things in my life - my husband is my best friend and I love him more every day.  My family is so precious to me. Damian is coming home this Wednesday.  I have a good job, which pays really well.  I actually have more than I need...

I'm also just sick and tired of this country.  I'm SO sick and tired of load-shedding every day, even though it actually has a minimal impact on us since we've bought a generator.  It started when Squirrel was joking about joining politics, and didn't want to stop even though I told him it was getting to me.  Eventually, I ended up actually THINKING about all the shit we have to live with, and I think that's what has gotten me so down.   This country is so screwed.  I can only hope and wish for a civil war - who the hell in their right mind actually wishes for something like that?  I SO want to put my group together, to do something about this, but it's way too risky.  We have no public transport (unless, of course, you want to get mugged, raped, stabbed, and / or killed), we have no post office, because the fuckers who worked for the post office striked until the entire organisation imploded, we have no electricity, and they reckon this load-shedding will continue for at least the next two years, we have not enough water in our house because of the frigging water regulator that we didn't ask for, and don't deserve, but CAN'T GET REMOVED BECAUSE THERE'S **ONE** FUCKER in the ENTIRE Western Cape who apparently works on these things, we have the lowest education, and the highest road kill rates.  And that's just scratching the surface.

Yes, I think I'd rather live in denial than actually think about these things, because if I think about it, I realise what a dead-end black hole we live in, and it gets me down.